We can be like that mountain, observing thoughts, feelings and sensations, and yet know inner stillness. Whatever the weather, or whatever happens on the surface of the mountain, and even within it - the mountain stands firm, mostly unaffected. This feeling will pass - there is an end to this tunnel. When we get anxious driving through a tunnel, the best option is to keep going to the other end, rather than stop or look for an exit in the tunnel. We can learn to notice the thoughts and feelings coming, and instead of jumping on that thought train, we can learn to stand on the platform, let it pass, and wait for the right train that will take us to where we want to go. We don’t attempt to jump on the express train and let it take us to destinations we don’t want to go to. We hear and feel it approaching, thundering through as it buffets us with a strong blast of wind. Standing on the station platform, sometimes we are advised to stand back as an express train will be passing through at speed. We can allow the ball (our thoughts) to float around us, not intruding, just letting it be. We can try to stop our thoughts, like trying to hold a beach ball under water, but it keeps popping up in front of our face (intrusive distressing thoughts). Items floating down the river - perhaps leaves or bits of mucky debris (thoughts, feelings, images) - instead of struggling to stay afloat, we can stand on the bank watching our thoughts, images and sensations go by. Victim 3 - acknowledges then ignores the bully, changing focus of attention, and the bully soon gives up. Victim 2 - challenges the bully, and bully eventually gives up on this victim. This is how we normally respond to our thoughts. The bully sees this as great entertainment and will carry on targeting this victim.
Victim 1 - believes the bully (the thoughts), becomes distressed, and reacts automatically. We can't stop our thoughts, but perhaps we can react to them in a different way, as these victims show us. This bully uses threats, mocking and abusive words to upset his victims. The playground is fenced in and the children have to learn to live with the bully. You can allow them to shout, but you can keep your attention focused on the road ahead. You can be in the driving seat, whilst all passengers (thoughts) are noisily chattering, being critical or shouting out directions. Metaphors can help us understand thoughts in a different way. Use metaphors try to see things differently. Notice what you don't normally notice - sights, sounds, sensations, thoughts, textures etc. Learn more and practice mindfulness so that you can be aware of when you are in the present moment rather than being 'in your head' - perhaps thinking about the past or worrying about the future. an unhelpful thinking habit: mind-reading (assuming we know what others are thinking), negative filter (only noticing the bad stuff), emotional reasoning (I feel bad so it must be bad), catastrophising (imagining the worst), the internal critic etc.Identify the emotion you're feeling, and label the unhelpful thoughts It can help to say them differently, in a non-threatening way: slowly, in a squeaky or comic voice or write them down. Notice the way you're interpreting what they mean, and how that's affecting you. Notice what's happening - your thoughts, physical sensations, emotions, images, memories. STOP, STEP BACK, OBSERVE (the thoughts and feelings, what's happening to/for the other person).
Defusion involves distancing, disconnecting or seeing thoughts and feelings for what they are (streams of words, passing sensations), not what they say they are (dangers or facts).
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